These are some pondering thoughts. It’s a different kind of newsletter from me, but I figure if you keep doing the same thing you have always done you WILL get the same results you have always gotten. Enjoy!
What’s the most important thing you can do in which you would be the most difficult to replace?
I heard this question on a podcast I listened to on the airplane to Dayton. I have been thinking about it all week. It’s not an easy question. However, I desire to find the answer.
I am on a plane back to Denver as I write this. We are experiencing lots of turbulence and I am wondering what the heck I am doing here. This is not what I signed up for when I was born into this world, was it? How am I making a difference sitting alone on this plane (double meaning here airplane and plane of existence). Yes I said alone; yet many others surround me. How can one feel so alone in a crowd?
Am I happy? Well, I can’t really answer that at the moment. I am grateful to have a gig that generously rewards for my time and efforts. I am struggling with the corporate politics and the micro-management. There is a lesson here and I am working through my issues to keep my ego out of the way so I can learn it and move on. Feelings of being trapped are coming up and making me crazy. It’s like I want to bust out and this environment is holding me tightly in its fist. It’s squeezing me so tightly that I feel I am suffocating.
This is not the most important thing I could be doing in which I would be difficult to replace. I could be replaced tomorrow and no one would notice for more than 10 minutes to show someone to the chair in the fluorescent lighted cubicle for one in which I share with 2 others.
I have a pocket full of sunshine that can’t show its rays. When will I be able to shine again? When will I find that ONE thing? I have a great sense of peace about being exactly where I need to be, but yet my mind is playing tricks on me and I feel I need to be somewhere else. Go figure!
There’s a place that I go that no one knows where the river flows and I feel at home. A secret place, behind locked gates, where there are no lies and the darkness is light and there is peace. My body cries to be there and bond with nature and the animals. It’s a place where I feel I can be myself and there is no judgment. I’ll escape to that place again soon…in the meantime I am here on this “plane” pondering the question and wondering what rock to overturn to find that ONE thing. I’ll find it. I don’t give up easily. 
There is so much uncertainty in the world today. I just don’t want to waste anymore time doing things that are not world changing and contributing to the greater good. I do want to leave a legacy, be a role model for those that come after me and leave the world a better place. Is that too much to ask? I think not…
